Member Moment: Q

This post was originally published December 13, 2023 on www.recoverycafelongmont.org by Elyssa Hamilton.

In this member moment, Café member ‘Q’ unravels his journey, talking about his battle with depression and how he came to find solace in an unlikely place.

As a child, Q’s dreams wove through various phases – from aspiring to be a zoologist at 7 to merely hoping to survive at 13. Living in the Williamsburg projects, the desire for something more than the confined life of the projects germinated at an early age. A pivotal moment at 15 led him to writing, and soon, books became his refuge, reshaping his perspective. The dream of entering the music industry with his rap talent flickered briefly before being overshadowed by the shadows of substance use and depression.

Q opened up about the first time he ventured into the foreign world of drugs, chasing a fleeting feeling of happiness. Remembering the darkness, a transformation was brewing.

“I’m naturally happy now. I learned to use my serotonin for something better.” 

The turning point came in the depths of despair. Living unhoused and incapacitated by his mental health condition, Q found himself at a crossroads where he discovered the Café. The catalyst for change came in the form of a conversation with Kristina, a peer support specialist. Within a week of becoming a member, Q secured a job and an apartment, marking the beginning of a path toward stability.

Initially feeling defeated and detached from the community, Q’s second visit to the Café brought a sense of belonging. He described the atmosphere as peaceful, a place where hope outweighed his depression. The realization dawned that sobriety was not a solo journey; it required a collective effort.

Q’s growth in recovery echoed through his words. “I feel more now than I did when I was using.”  His introspective poem, “A Few Things,” encapsulates the essence of his transformation – a celebration of choosing community, happiness, forgiveness, healing, and self-discovery.

This poem was written and shared with permission of Café member, Q.

On days like this I think about all the things I could be

I choose to be happy

On days like this I think about all the accessories I could be wearing

I choose to wear a smile

On day like this I think about all the names I can call myself

I say grateful, worthy, I say still here

On days like this my mind, body, and spirit turns into a 3 piece band and they’re playing all their greatest hits

Like joy and laughter and letting go of anything that doesn’t make me the best version of myself

I’ll be honest I don’t know much

But I know a few things about a broken heart it’s probably one of the worst injuries to have it happens to us all and luckily it doesn’t last forever

I know a few things about revenge it doesn’t change what already happened and it won’t make the pain go away

Revenge is like starving yourself while making a plate for someone else who is not hungry

It’s like holding your breath and hoping somehow all your enemies run out of oxygen

I know a few things about forgiving

It’s harder then it looks but it feels better than it sounds

I heard while leaving Sodom Lot’s wife wanted to see what was happening turned around and was transformed into a pillar of salt

I know a few things about leaving

If you take too much time packing your stuff you’ll convince yourself to stay longer than you planned

When you finally do it you can’t look back

I know a few things about healing

It’s not a good employee

It shows up when it’s ready only works when it wants to

I know a few things about self care

It’s not as fancy as it looks on instagram

Sometimes it looks like drinking a glass of water

Sometimes it looks like laying down

Sometimes it looks like putting on your favorite song and dancing like the room is on fire

But you are a ice cube that refuses to melt

I know a few things about my body

It is the only one I have and it becomes everything that I say it is

My body doesn’t like to raise its voice

My body doesn’t like to ask me more than once to rest and if I don’t listen it will go on strike when I need it the most

I know a few things about my mind

It’s the most powerful tool I own

If I say I am then I will be

All my success begins with what I believe about myself

I know a few things about my spirit

It’s not something I can point to or drew a picture of but I know that it’s there

I can feel it when I breathe

It holds me together on days when I feel like I’m falling apart

I know a few things about life

Being human is difficult

Being a good human is even harder

But it’s still something I want to accomplish while I’m here

I know a few things about me

I hate pickles

I think spiders are terrifying

and I made a lot of mistakes

But I know a few things about tomorrow

It’s kinda like a shadow it’s hard to see when sun isn’t bright regardless it’s there

Like the moon and the stars

Some days I look up at the night sky and am reminded that people and planets aren’t so different

We all have an orbit our energy decides who we let into our atmosphere

We have our own gravity